i must be getting better cause i am crying all the time lately....or maybe that has something to do with my hormones...but even when i was hormonal before, i didn't get emotional constantly. And y'know what? I don't mind. I actually prefer crying regularly. i figure if i cry all the time, one of these days it won't be any big deal to cry in front of strangers...which is something i have vowed to never do. i don't know why.

I want to get over that particular fear of man someday.



We watched The Rescuers the other night. I love that movie. Not like, love. And had to multi-task while watching it to keep from, yet again, crying. Because, well I don't know really, it reminds me of being a little kid. And also because it's about an orphan in awful circumstances, and what help does she get sent? Two mice.

But isn't that just like life? At least, in my case, the catalysts to my salvation was never in the screaming wind or in the roaring sea or in the growling rock slide or in the rumbling fire, but in whispers while I slept.

Sometimes kings aren't the ones to destroy evil, it's hobbits. Sometimes it isn't warriors that take down a tyrant of a queen, it's children. And in this case, it isn't secret agents who save the day, it's mice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpP8bNxVdyU

A few things come to mind when I watch this video. One: The look on the croc's face, right about 36 secs in, is exactly what my dog Bella looked like when she caught the scent of a rodent of any sort. (Rest in peace, Bella-girl. Chase as many heaven-squirrels as you like.)

Two: That Crocodile should consider quitting his guard-dog job in favor of an organ playing gig. He's quite talented.

Three: I relate to the mice. Not that I've been chased by crocodiles or hidden inside organ pipes, lately. But I relate to the feeling "Man, someone is out to get me!" And also, I feel mouse-like when it comes to helping people. Seriously, what can I possibly do to help anyone?

But the mice do help. And yes, I am aware that this is just a Disney movie. But at the very same time, God is bigger than my weakness. It's a fact. A beautiful, wonderful fact of life that makes me want to weep again for the second time today.



It's amazing. And so much bigger than me, and man, am I glad. Cause if everything depended on my spiffiness, we'd all be in trouble. A lot of trouble. Many of the trouble.



I have more to say about this.....but my brain has much snot in it. Uuuuuummm.

I relate to Penny, the orphan girl too. Sometimes I think I will always feel like a little kid in a world that's too big for her. And oddly enough, I'm okay with that.

And in a way, we're all orphans. Humanity is in search of meaning and a place to belong.

So the entire Rescuers movie is gripping for me to the point of ridiculousness and hilarity.



I'm sure I had something else to say, but i don't remember it now. I'm sposed to go to bed soon here any way. I apologize for this blog if it's impossible to understand. I blame the snot in my brain. I'm listening to Flyleaf at the moment http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXJbO9GmQMM

It's also a new-ish thing for me to care about the people at church. (What?! Caring about church people?!??!) I've always been concerned for my best friends, but it's different for me to care about acquaintances and even just people who aren't necessarily best-ies, but still friends. I think it's cause I have put some much energy into worrying about myself and the people very closest to me that I shut out everyone else.

It's so cool to step back and say 'Whoa God, you did that too!'

Anyhoo, I am loving the lines "If one part is hurt, the whole body's sick. If one part mourns, we all mourn with Him." from that song.

I got this song going pretty constantly too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPKDfBdxkMM
Snow Patrol puts out some awesome tunes. I like em.

I think my grammar is atrocious tonight. I know I'm sick, cause I don't care today. Goodnight.