In which we talk about weird dreams

couple nights ago, i had a really, really weird dream. I want to write it down before I forget.

So it started out on a ship...Set in early 1900's. I wasn't myself. I was someone else. This someone else was in love with two men, but she didn't know it yet. She ignored the one and adored the other. But the ship set sail and she left the man she adored on the shore. The man she was trying to ignore was on the ship with her, and she had insulted him so they didn't talk much. But it was a gradually closing distance. They watched each other from across the ship. Then, one day he was playing chess with someone and happened to look up at her and she knew. Like I had known the whole time, that she loved him.
It is so weird how dreams let you feel that. I haven't crushed on someone, like really crushed on someone for years. But I felt it here.

The dream changed. I walked on an ocean that was a path. From my left and from my right the wind gusted at me. My hair stood strait up, it didn't have time to fall because the wind was so constant. The ocean path was narrow. On either side of it was a grave yard. And I could hear my mom in my head telling me how very morbid this all was. So I pulled out my ipod and picked out an Evanescence song. . .because it seemed appropriate. (is that random? yes.)

I turned from the ocean path to wander into the graveyard. it was yellow. the grass was all dead. there was a certain air of unrest that i got. Normally graveyards strike me as eerie and heavy with history, but peaceful. This one was different. There were cats all over.
(I hate cats. It's a hate that's been growing since my youth. This Christmas Eve, my g-ma's cat pushed me over the edge and now I can say I -udderly- loath cats. Anyhoo, that's a story for a different time......heh, udderly.)
I knew I was somewhere in the Southern states, and I knew that I lived with these two old ladies who owned tons of cats and were keepers of the graveyard. Our house was like a modified crypt combined with an old farmhouse.
Elly was visiting me there. We were eating breakfast and she thought it would be funny to put catnip into my milk....which I didn't notice till halfway through the meal. By that time I had catnip stuck all over the inside of my mouth. I went over to the sink and began to dislodge it from my mouth. It was stuck on the roof of my mouth and underneath my tongue. (ew.)

And then I woke up and promptly realized that the top half of my retainer was no longer in my mouth. I must have taken it out, thinking it was catnip. It was 6:45 am. I searched unsuccessfully for it and laid back down. I thought about how I hate the orthodontist until I fell back asleep.
At noon, when I woke up for realsies, I found the retainer in the crack between my bed and the wall. Thankfully it was not squished or covered in cobwebs of any sort.

The End.


I don't tend to think my dreams mean anything. They are more often random than not...but the whole ocean and graveyard thing was so abstract and so different from what I normally dream....usually my dreams are a bit more of a down to earth brand of weird...i don't know how to explain it, it was just a strange dream and I keep thinking about it.

I feel funny. Odd. Like I've been thawed from carbonite. Or like I've been pulled from the hole in the ground and escaped from Wonderland. Like that talking doorknob was finally opened from the other side, and I was pulled out. I feel like I had fallen asleep and very gradually my fingers and toes are getting that prickly sensation you get when the blood is having a hard time getting to them. And like my dream, I do feel like the wind is coming at me from either side and my hair's standing on end. But I love it. The wind is reminding me that I am alive. As cheese ball as that sounds.
My life has a new meaning lately.

I haven't gone outside much this winter. The last couple of years, I've made a point to. Me and winter like each other. This year, I just haven't...dunno why.

There's this John Mayer song called Half of My Heart that I'm in love with right now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xlOQ0ySpVY
It talks about loving someone half-heartedly. And if I'm honest, that's how my attitude is right now towards God. I wish it wasn't but there's still that half of me that says "Uh, we ain't doin that again. Look at this, it's easier."
The problem is that I am not a half hearted kinda person. I tend to be more of an all or nothing kinda gal. And what happens is I end up living two lives.

I'm not saying I want to be this way, but reality often contradicts our wishes. Whenever I think of it, all I can do is throw my hands up in surrender. Because I know that if I try, I'm gonna mess it up more. It's a strange and new "I am nothing" concept for me.

I could keep writing but I think that's enough for today considering I dumped all the crazy dream stuff on ya. Apologies.

What is a dream that sticks out in you memory? Do y'all think dreams have meaning?