I have to post this video. This song is every bit me, right now. It's the process I've been in for forever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WaVv874DfE


The knowledge that I should stop this is never enough to actually stop me. In a matter of weeks I'll want it back and I'll feel guilty for neglecting it and have to grovel which will not help anything. It's less work to just maintain the connection I have to it.

Everything is so busy right now. How bizarre that only a couple weeks after the fall starts, my life is stacked with volumes of people and worries that it should be bursting were I to adhere to previous standards of busy-ness. But it's not. And I like it like this. It's beautiful chaos. A never ending tumble-dry setting to rid me of the rain.
Seasons.

I like that my life is no longer defined by desolation. I also like that it was not some boy that pulled me out of the hole I was living in.

Speaking of boys, I am irked by people's apparent desire to set me up with them. Firstly I did not just finish 14 years of school to just settle down. Forget it.
Secondly I refuse to be the pretty, dolled-up girl they require of me. I am not a prize to be won. I'm not something to obtain. I am not something to do. I am not something to complete them. I'm not sure what I am per say, but I know what I am not.
Thirdly I have a lot of decisions to make at this juncture and I'd like to make them without having to consider a "soul mate" into the equation.

Sometimes I think people take relationships way too lightly and loneliness too seriously. Loneliness won't kill ya. Not unless you live in Hollywood. Take it easy. Don't sell yourself out for a little, short term comfort.