I wasn't going to post this, but here we go anyway.
I have realized that I've been stuck on a friendship that has long since past. I have been constantly looking back and thinking what ifs and feeling guilt about it. It has effected all my other relationships. I have been hiding. It's been painful to even think about moving on because I feared I would be betraying what I had. Like I owed the friend something.

I'm not saying things will suddenly be different now that I've realized this. I will say though that for the first time I've actually dared to think that they aren't stuck like I am, and maybe I don't need to be either.

Long, long, long time coming. I want to fall asleep with the peace the thought brings.

Of course I've known that I am probably the only one still dwelling on the past, but I'd hoped that perhaps things could be like they were again and maybe I'd be braver this time.

Now I think that they have all moved on and that's wonderful because I can too. No one is counting on me to do otherwise.

Y'know what else, if anything I did was wrong before, it is forgiven and far from me. The past does not define me. I am new....and shiny. A whole lot lighter if you ask me because the past isn't me any more.

So there ya go, another post that doesn't make sense. O wells.